Camp Summer Heat? OMFGLEIKWHUT?
by The Orange Jedi
Summary: No longer a oneshot! The KH2 boys at summer camp. Suggestive themes and rampant hilarity. Read n review!
1. Chapter 1

**Bread Pudding**

**Challenge: Sitting around the campfire eating bread pudding  
Words: Fart, Bellybutton, Watermelon, Pancakes, Butter**

It was mid-summer. It was hot. It was always hot in summer, hence the rather suggestive name of the camp: Summer Heat.

Not that it meant anything. It was an innocent enough summer camp, designed to keep young boys occupied during their lazy summer days. The camp "Daddy" was named Xemnas, and he generally insisted that he be called "Daddy" even by the councilors. It was, after all, a title of respect.

The campers began to arrive after the first week of summer had passed, and there were busloads of them, as usual.

"Where do all the little punks COME from?" Councilor Axel asked, standing off to the side in his flame-patterned swim trunks.

"Desperate households," Councilor Demyx laughed, tugging the blue brim of his hat over his blonde mullet. "Panicking parents just can't wait to get rid of the little **farts**."

"I just want you to know, I've already done a background check on mine," Councilor Luxord came up behind them, wearing his favorite cut-off white shirt, which accented his tan nicely. "And I got the best. Ya'll playin' poker tonight?"

"No consorting after hours!" Daddy Xemnas barked angrily. "I've told you that a hundred damn times!"

"Yessir!" they all three saluted with laughs. The bus creaked to a stop, and the doors opened with a hiss.

Daddy Xemnas stepped forward, blowing on the whistle he had hung around his neck to silence the noisy boys.

"Guys, guys!" He yelled, getting them to shut up. "Hey!" he returned to his normal voice. "I believe you were all given assignments on the bus? Find your troop leader!"

The boys scrambled to find the six boys who had been chosen as troop leaders. When that was done, Daddy Xemnas blew the whistle again. "Now, each troop leader listen for your name. When it's called, lead your troop to your councilor."

The councilors had fanned out into a kind of awkward circle around the boys.

"Roxas!" Councilor Axel called, hiding a smile and trying to look intimidating.

"Sora!" Councilor Demyx beckoned.

"Seifer!" Councilor Luxord waved him over, looking excited.

"Riku!" Councilor Xigbar barked, crossing his arms.

"Hayner!" Councilor Saix summoned with a loud bellow.

"Pence!" Councilor Xaldin yelled, annoyed at being last.

The boys scattered obediently.

Daddy Xemnas blew the whistle again.

"Quit it," Councilor Demyx muttered, swirling his finger in his ear agitatedly.

"We'll convene again at 1900 hours in the mess tent. Dismissed!"

Councilor Axel turned to his group, addressing them while spinning volleyball on his index finger.

"Name's Axel. Councilor Axel. Got it memorized? Good. Cuz Xemnas might be the camp 'Daddy', but for the next week and a half, _I'm_ your Uncle. Roxas!"

"Sir...uh...Uncle?" Roxas looked up nervously. Axel blushed and ran a hand through his hair self-consciously.

"Um….are you any good at poker?"

………

The campers had arrived just after noon, so the councilors decided to take them down to a lake for a swim. Or actually, Councilor Axel decided, because he had already been wearing his swimsuit, and didn't bother to ask anyone else what was on their agenda, and simply led his troops down to the water. Councilor Demyx followed, and the others, considering the time of day and the temperature, decided it was an idea with merit, and also followed suit.

"Shirts off, guys—unless you want a farmerboy tan!" Councilor Axel cannon balled into the lake off the tire-swing with a loud and large splash.  
Most of the guys stripped their shirts off without complaint. Roxas held back, biting at his lip. Hayner snuck up behind him and jerked the shirt off for him, tossing the material to the side.

"Oh. My. Gawd." Seifer nearly fell off the pier laughing. "When the fuck did you pierce your **bellybutton**, Roxas?"

"Last week," Roxas muttered, sliding into the lake carefully, blushing. "I can't take it out yet."

Councilor Axel surfaced, spitting water at the guys, "Hey, if he wants to…er…express…himself through naval piercing that's his beef. Don't go pickin' on my little man!" Roxas grinned thankfully at Councilor Axel.

"I'm alright with all _that_," Riku muttered, "But a little rainbow heart? With dangly dimonds? Roxas!"

"…It was CUTE!" Roxas protested, before ducking his head underwater.

……..

Dinner was served promptly at 1900 hours, and Pence was the first to complain.

"**Watermellon** and **Pancake** sandwhiches?"

"That's so weird!" Hayner peeled his apart, looking at the odd red slices.

"What the hell kind of summer camp IS this?" Seifer grumbled, elbowing Sora. "Pass the **butter**."

"What the hell do you need THAT for?" Riku threw the butter at him, and he caught it, spreading it on the bread and then inverting his sandwich.

"Eating, doofus," Seifer shot back, returning the **butter** with a strong overhand pass. Riku calmly caught it and set it back down.

A sharp, piercing whistle interrupted their conversation. "Damnit…" Roxas stuck his fingers in his ears. "That HURTS," He grumbled.

………

That night, the campers and the councilors all sat around a huge bonfire (lit by Councilor Axel). There were the traditional songs and scary stories, and about halfway through the ordeal, Pence and Councilor Xaldin came up carrying huge bowls of **bread pudding**.

"Pudding?" Sora asked, licking his fingers as he dove into his bowl.

"I thought you roasted marshmallows around a campfire." Hayner grumbled.

"I ate them all while we were in the kitchen," Pence admitted, slightly shamefaced.

"You'll eat that pudding and like it!" Councilor Xaldin barked, "I made it meownself!"

The boys snorted into their bowls. "meownself" they laughed behind their hands.

………

"I thought Daddy Xemnas said no more poker games?" Councilor Demyx leaned in the tent flap, watching the Councilors and the troop leaders deeply immersed in their decks.

"He did." Councilor Luxord shrugged, laying his hand out on the table. "Full house. I win. Off with the shorts, Axel."

"No way!" Councilor Axel leaned over the table, staring at the cards. "You have GOT to be cheating."

"Sorry, Uncle, he's not." Roxas was standing behind Luxord. "I've been watching him. Take the shorts off."

"Only for you." Councilor Axel muttered, reaching for his belt.

AND THE CRACK ENDS HERE.

HATS OFF TO SPORADIC CAMP MOMENTS YOH.


	2. Chapter 2

**Theme: night  
Words: unorthodox, bug, lick, screw, chick,**

Summer, still. That same week, actually, though not the same day. It was the next night, the night after the poker game. Councilor Luxord, of course, had come out more than victorious, having only lost his watch and camp vest. Councilor Demyx had lost his shirt, necklace, undershirt, and shoes. Roxas had been stripped down to his socks and Scooby-doo boxers. Councilor Axel….well, he had never been very good at poker.

Of course, the "traditional" (though rather **unorthodox**) food was served around the campfire (this time, they ate tea pasties and drank Red Bull). When Daddy Xemnas blew the whistle dismissing them to their separate cabins, the boys split like pool balls.

……

"Roxas!" Riku peered in the open, glass-less window of the cabin.

"What?"

"…..You're it!" Riku flung the paint-filled balloon through the window, which Roxas caught with his forehead. His hair was now sufficiently died purple. He spit paint.

"Uncle!" He yelled, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. Councilor Axel appeared as if by magic.

"Holy shit, Roxas!" He grabbed a sheet off the nearest bed and helped his boy clean up. "Who did this to you?"

"Riku!" Roxas sobbed.

"Riku?" Councilor Axel was attempting to un-purple-fy his boy's hair, but it looked like the dye job would be permanent. "I bet Xigbar put him up to it."

"We have to get them back!"

"…yes. We do." Councilor Axel grinned, leaning down so he was eye level with Roxas. "Any suggestions?"

…….

"You want me to what?" Councilor Demyx asked, dressed in his usual night-clothes (a pair of boxers, a white shirt, a tasseled nightcap, and pink bunny slippers).

"Please, Demyx ol' buddy?" Councilor Axel pouted piteously. "Besides," He stepped closer, his eyes traveling up and down Demyx's body. "You owe me, don'cha know."

"…." Councilor Demyx made a slight face before nodding. "You're right. I'll talk to him."

"Oh man! I love you!" Councilor Axel leaned forward and quickly pecked Demyx on the cheek. "You won't regret this, man. It'll be a blast."

"No promises!" Councilor Demyx insisted, as Axel's lanky figure disappeared into the night, heading off to another cabin.

……

"You want me to…" Sora thought about it for a whole ten seconds. "Yeah…ok. If you really want me to."

"I really want you to." Councilor Demyx was on his knees, begging. "Please, Sora. For the sake of your fellow campers!"

"…if it will help my fellow campers…" Sora stood, striking a pose with his keyblade. "I mean, I AM a hero after all."

Councilor Demyx nodded, hiding his smile. "Yeah, that's right." He stood, dusting his knees. "Now, this is how you go about it…" He leaned in and began to whisper in Sora's ear.

……

"Why, Axel?" Councilor Luxord leaned in the doorway of his cabin. "Besides, he's already asleep. We don't owe you anything."

"Didn't that peep show last night—"

"You owed US that. You lost the poker game."

"Yeah…but…oh come on, please!" Councilor Axel looked around desperately. "I—We can make it a bet!"

"Oh?" Councilor Luxord looked up, interested at last.

"Yeah. I bet you that you can't get Seifer to do it. And if you CAN get him to do it…I bet he won't be able to keep ol' Dad occupied for more than an hour."

"….Stakes?"

"…I…er….I'll pole dance in front of the whole camp. You?"

"Same. Shake?" They shook, both of them convinced of victory. Councilor Luxord turned behind him as Axel faded into the night.

"Well, Seifer?"

"I'm on my way, Sir."

……

"RIKU! RIKU! RIKU!" Sora ran through the camp, barefoot, wearing his baggy PJs, sobbing at the top of his lungs. "Riiiiiikuuuu!"

Riku, of course, responded as soon as he heard, nearly tearing the cabin door off its hinges to get to his friend. He caught him, and Sora sobbed into his shoulder pathetically.

"What is it? Sora! Sora, what's wrong?"

Sora sniffed and looked up, his eyelashes all stuck together from crying. "I…I saw a **bug**…"

"A….bug?"

"Yeah…there was a bug in my bed…It scared me…" Riku sighed, rubbing Sora's shoulder comfortingly while looking to the heavens as if in search of guidance. Sora clung to him, his head on Riku's shoulder, still sniveling. Riku pulled back a little.

"…I haven't seen any bugs in my cabin. Would you like to—" He didn't get to finish, because Sora bowled him over, giggling.

"You mean it? Yay! Yay! Yay!" Riku dragged himself up (Sora was attached to him at the neck, and so accompanied him) with some difficulty.

"Yeah." Riku grunted. "Come on."

They walked in silence back to the cabin. Once the door was closed, Sora's rather…carrying…voice asked, "You can't be really sleepy, can you Riku?"

……

"Ahahaha!" Councilor Axel gloated quietly. "These pictures. These pictures right here. That's revenge enough, isn't it Roxas?"

Roxas peered at the polaroids. "…Yeah, Uncle. I think they might." He grinned. "How did you pull it off?"

"You don't want to know, but you owe me one hell of a ride, later." He handed the pictures to Roxas. "Go stick those on the bulletin board before the old man is on to us." Roxas trotted off into the night.

……

"**Screw** this shit, man," Seifer slammed the door behind him. Councilor Luxord was waiting outside with a stopwatch. He clicked it with the sound of the door latch.

"One hour, zero minutes and forty-seven seconds," He howled triumphantly.

"You're welcome, man," Seifer grumbled. "The crusty ol' man tried to **lick** me!"

"Ah, he can get that way some times…you've got a strong, muscular young body…"

"Don't YOU start on me!" Seifer threw a rock at him, which Councilor Luxord easily dodged.

"Haha, now, now, Seifer…"

…..

"….You're a real handful, Sora…" Riku complained as they walked together to the mess-tent. Sora clung to Riku's arm, watching around for bugs.

"I'm sorry…" Sora apologized with a slight whimper. "Hey…who's that over by the bulletin board?"

"Looks like Roxas,"

"With purple hair?"

"Matches his bellybutton ring," Riku shrugged. "Hey, Roxas?" But the figure didn't turn; it fled into the nearby forest. Sora and Riku walked up to the bulletin board, peering at the pictures it had just pinned up.

"HOLY CRAP!" Riku tore at the pictures, but they'd been super-elmer-rubber-cemented onto the board by a most ingenious genius. Sora dissolved into giggles again.

"I know you're a nature freak, Riku…but really….it's cute, admit it!"

"It's humiliating!"

"You don't have to keep it a secret that you're fond of your pets." Sora told him, condescendingly.

"You had something to do with this!" Riku turned, angrily.

"No! I just wanted to know he was there—you know those things eat bugs!"

"They do NOT eat bugs until they're much older! He only eats cornmeal."

"See, you do care!"

"IT LOOKS LIKE I'M TRYING TO FRENCH KISS HIM!"

"Well…he's a very cute little **chick**…"

"Baby rooster!"

_Author's Note:_

_Ahaha….an end to the crack. Props to Julie for the setup and theme and words and all that. If anybody wants more camp crazies, then email me your THEME/SETTING and FIVE CHALLENGE WORDS. I can't do every request, but…hey.  
Oh, and there's a moral to this story. _

Do not give a bunch of boys Red Bull just before lights out. :D

_Ciao!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Theme: game room / rec-room**

**Words: pyro, mustard, pop-tarts, claustrophobia, emo/goth**

**Challenger: Psycopath pyro**

….

"Nice hair, Roxas," Seifer glanced up from his table-tennis game to laugh at Roxas' purple hair.

Roxas shrugged good-naturedly. "I like it. Has anybody seen Riku?"

"He's still not coming out of his cabin," Sora hit the ball back at Seifer with an expert over-hand.

"All because of that silly picture?" Pence asked incredulously, lounging in a moth-eaten lazy-boy.

"He's very sensitive," Sora shrugged, turning his head to speak to Pence politely. The table-tennis ball bounced off his forehead and he was knocked off his feet and hit the rec room floor with a loud crash.

"Sora!" Seifer leaned over the table, making sure Sora was ok. Aside from the strange, swirly eyes, the boy was fine. There were little Donald ducks dancing around his head, but those disappeared readily enough when he shook it.

"Seifer banged Sora!" Pence couldn't help it—he whispered this aside to Roxas, both of them dissolving in immature giggles. The other boys missed the joke.

"Good hit, Seifer. That's game, right?"

"Er…yeah."

"OH MY GAWD GUYS!" Hayner busted into the rec room, his eyes alight with mischief. "You will NOT believe this!"

"What?" Roxas was helping Sora up, and they asked in unison.

"Axel…Councilor Axel…" He was choking on laughter. "Councilor Axel…just found out he lost…he lost that bet with Councilor Luxord….last night…"

"The one about the pole dance?" Seifer was leaning casually against the tennis table.

"Y-yeah." Hayner nodded, still laughing. "Anyway, the stupid **pyro** told Luxord there was no way that fourty-seven seconds was enough to justify losing the bet…and he…he…."

"He what?"

"….I didn't know that Luxord had Daisy Duck tattooed on his ass…"

"NO WAY!"

….

"Hey, Roxas," Seifer bapped the table-tennis ball across the rec room, pleased to see it bounce off the top of Roxas' head. "I challenge you."

"I suck at table tennis," Roxas threw the ball back at him.

"Well, let's play doubles!" Suggested Sora, throwing his brilliantly convincing puppy eyes at Roxas. Roxas melted instantly.

"All right." Roxas agreed. "If Sora's my partner."

"Deal!" Sora flashed a famous grin.

"Hey, Pence!" Seifer beckoned. Pence looked up from his lazy-boy. "Put up those **pop-tarts **up and come help me!"

"Nuthin' doin'." Pence said. "These are my favorite—**mustard** flavor. Get someone else."

"Hayner?"

"Up your butt, man. No way. Shut up, I'm watching TV."

"I'll play," Councilor Demyx had been supervising for some time, and he loved table tennis, anyway.

"No fair!" Sora and Roxas despaired. "A councilor can't—"

"Don't be such wusses!" Seifer laughed, tossing Councilor Demyx a table-tennis paddle.

……..

"Look, man, we've beaten you thirteen times. In a row." Roxas sighed, hitting himself lightly in the head with the paddle to demonstrate his frustration.

"We're going to get you this time!" Seifer insisted.

"…Seifer…they won…give it up…" Councilor Demyx started to set his paddle down.

"NO WAY," Seifer insisted. Councilor Demyx sighed.

"Chill, Demyx. I'll play with him." Councilor Axel took the paddle from him, tapping Councilor Demyx lightly on the butt as he took his place next to Seifer. Seifer eyed him edgily. That sort of stuff didn't go down with Seifer. Seifer scooted to the other side of their end of the table.

"Aw…I don't want to play against Uncle…" Roxas complained.

"I don't want to play WITH him," Seifer muttered, keeping one eye on the paddle in Axel's hand.

"Be a man, Roxas," Axel served the ball with a smirk. "You too, Seifer."

…….

That particular game lasted for-EVER. In fact, by the time it reached the game point, most of the councilors had joined the campers in the rec-room. Each team had ten points—whoever scored next won the game.

Councilor Luxord was, of course, going around the cabin taking bets. Most bet on Sora and Roxas, since they'd already won thirteen games. On the other hand, those that bet on Axel and Seifer argued that that team had a fresh arm.

"Just give up," Seifer crowed after an excellent pass.

"Never!" Sora exclaimed, returning it firmly.

"No way!" Roxas blocked when Axel tried to power it across the room, sending it back to Seifer. Seifer reached to hit it…and froze. The ball bounced off the corner of the table, just barely inbounds, and then rolled to the floor.

"Yeah!" Sora and Roxas high-fived, and their fans cheered, convening around Councilor Luxord to collect their winnings.

"Seifer! Hey man!" Hayner patted Seifer on the shoulder. "Seifer!" Seifer was staring off into the distance, his eyes unfocused. The paddle dropped out of his hand. Hayner blinked, then grinned mischievously. He prodded Seifer firmly, right in the middle of the chest. Seifer toppled over, completely unconscious.

"Dude…" Roxas squatted next to Seifer. "What happened?"

"Nothin'." Councilor Axel shrugged, smiling innocently. "It is crowded in here, though. Maybe he's got **claustrophobia.** Good game, kid." He tossed the paddle back onto the table and exited the cabin.

"Seifer's not claustrophobic…" Pence was licking mustard pop-tart off his fingers.

"How many of those did you _eat_?" Roxas had to ask.

"Twenty six," Pence replied nonchalantly. "Seifer's not claustrophobic. He is homo-phobic, though."

"Hey…he's coming around….Seifer? Seifer!" Sora shook Seifer's shoulder.

Seifer opened one eye, saw them all huddled around him, and spazzed. He shot to the corner of the room, pressing his back against the wall, and eyeing them all like a madman. "NOBODY MOVE!" He proclaimed. "AND NOBODY SLAP MY ASS!" …then he jumped out the window.

"…that's…unlike Seifer." Pence pulled another pop-tart out of his pocket and unwrapped it cheerily. "But I did tell you he was homophobic."

"It's pathetic," A voice drifted out from the shadows, where a tall figure stood, face hidden in a black cowl. "He's such a girl about it. You'd think he'd never had his butt tapped before."

The boys stared at the figure, wondering what to say.

In the end, it was Sora that broke the silence. "…Riku…I know…the picture was embarrassing…but…really….you don't look **emo** or **goth** or anything else…you look….er…"

"RETARTED." Hayner filled in, stealing a pop-tart from Pence.

_Author's note: _

_Heh...um...nevermind..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Prompt: Axel declares scrabble night—Roxas proclaims it dirty word scrabble. Captain Captain Jack Sparrow and crew guest star. Because it's my birthday.**

**Theme: Dirty Word Scrabble**

**Words: Rum, Cow, Ball-Licky-Licky Love, Rod**

It was the middle of the day, and the camp was pretty quiet. The lake was crystalline and beautiful, its surface unbroken by even a single ripple. On the far side of the lake, one could see where the roots of the trees that made up the forest snaked down into the water, forming a sort of mangrove.

If someone had been outside (no one was) but if they HAD been, they would have seen the reeds around the mangrove shift.

Siefer peered around carefully, making sure he was alone. He desperately wanted a shower, but he was afraid if he used the camp shower someone would walk in on him. Normally that wouldn't be a problem. Then again, NORMALLY, taking a shower wouldn't cause your camp-mates to get excited. The solution? Take a shower fully clothed. But that was awkward and hard to explain.

The counter-solution? Fall in the lake, conveniently carrying a bar of soap.

He had just ducked his head underwater when the surface of the lake began to roll and tumble violently. Seifer let out a yell of distress as he grasped at the roots of the trees, buffeted about by the water.

"s-Salt?" He asked, spitting as the water entered his oral cavity. Since when was the lake salty? He'd swum here before and it had been quite fresh.

… "Oh my god…" Something had just brushed his leg. Something big. He attempted to scramble back up to shore, but another wave crashed down on him, pulling him out to the middle of the lake. He paddled madly, but he couldn't tell what direction was what. Rain was pouring down and obscuring his vision, and when something heavy slapped down on his head, he couldn't stop himself from screaming.

"Jack's hat!" someone yelled in a gravelly voice.

"Don't you mean 'Man overboard'?" A skeptical woman's voice replied.

"Eh? Oh. Yeah, I guess. Haul them both up." The first voice shouted down, "Hold on there, boy! And don't lose that hat!"

Seifer squinted up, shielding his eyes against the torrents of rain. A large, thick rope slapped down to the waves next to him. He spit water again as he dove desperately for it.

"Heave, men!" Seifer felt himself jerked from the water, and soon hands were pulling him on to land. No…not land. Wood. The deck of a ship? He sat up disbelievingly.

"The rain's clearing up," A man said, sounding cheerful. "Gimme my hat." The hat was jerked off his head and placed delicately back on it's owners.

"You alright, lad?" A dark-skinned lady helped him to his feet. "What were you doing out in the middle of the ocean? With soap? Is that Lavender?"

"Anna Maria, dear," the man who had taken the hat patted the woman on the shoulder. "He wasn't in the ocean. And quit sniffing him like that."

"Jealous? Wait, what are you talking about, Jack?" She turned, following Captain Jack Sparrow's gaze. "Oh my god. Where are we?"

"Camp Summer Heat," Seifer supplied. "Summer camp for faggy little boys."

"Hoi! Captain Jack Sparrow! That you?" Councilor Axel was standing on the pier, clad only in his flame-patterned swim trunks. The rain was coming down lightly now, nothing more than a drizzle.

"Axel? Ah—shoulda known that's where we'd been sent."

"….another fag?" Seifer groaned, sliding down and bonking the back of his head dejectedly against the rail.

"The Captain's not a 'fag'!"

"Thanks very much, Mister Gibbs," Captain Jack Sparrow said over his shoulder, "Now could you possibly be quiet so I might converse in a more polite and appropriate manner with the lovely red chap on the dock?"

"Sorry, Cap'n." Mister Gibbs muttered, taking a swig from his canteen.

"Seems like you're missin' a camper, Axel!" Captain Jack Sparrow yelled down.

"Seifer? Ah, he does tend to miss all the fun around here. Send him down, will you?"

"Prepare a boat to go ashore!" Captain Jack Sparrow hollered to the milling crew around him. Mister Gibbs and a man with a parrot on his shoulder jumped smartly to. Wait, no. Mister Gibbs, the parrot-man, and a midget. Sweet. A midget fag.

…

"So…Scrabble night?" Captain Jack Sparrow tipped a bottle back, his feet up on the table, leaning against the canvas of the tent.

"…put the **rum** away, Jack," Councilor Axel sighed. "This is a youth camp."

"Ah, sorry." Captain Jack Sparrow handed the rum to Mister Gibbs, who grinned and exited quickly. "Why scrabble? Doesn't it seem like enterprising young men, such as the ones that now surround us—" for indeed, the mess tent was full, "—would be better served with an endeavor more concentrated on the physical and or muscular state of their young and healthy material based existences?"

"…they get creative with it. Mind stretching and such. And it's a tournament. Great prizes," Councilor Demyx said, downing a glass of strawberry milk.

"I'll take one of those," Captain Jack Sparrow grinned. He loved strawberry milk.

…

"Roxas had the highest score from the last round—categorized as 'Emo Word Scrabble'. So he gets to choose the theme for this round." Councilor Axel patted Roxas on the shoulder, grinning at him.

"This round's 'Dirty Word Scrabble'." Roxas declared, taking his seat—as high score, he got the privilege of viewing the scrabble board right-side up. On his left was Councilor Axel (the councilors couldn't win or lose the game, but one had to participate in every round), on his right was Riku. Across from him, viewing the board upside-down, was Captain Jack Sparrow.

"You sure about this, lad? Crossing letters obscenely with a pirate?" Captain Jack Sparrow asked, smirking roguishly.

"Bring it on," Roxas grinned at him.

"Alright, then," Councilor Axel dumped the letters onto the table. "Game begins. You're first, Roxas."

…

"…Jack…" Councilor Axel sighed, his head sinking into his hands. " '**Cow **shit' is not a word."

"It is so!" Captain Jack Sparrow defended his word. "It's just like bullshit, only more hygienic!"

"But it's like a ton of extra points!" Riku complained, "Councilor! He can't do that!"

"...I really don't think I can allow that word…"

"You let Roxas use 'igmo'. I fail to see the expletive in that expletive. Actually, I fail to see the WORD in that expletive."

"…just use 'shit', Captain…"

"But then I lose my triple word score!"

…

"I say, where's that Seifer boy got to?" Anna Maria looked around curiously.

"Who knows? He doesn't go in for most of our activities any more. After that ping-pong incident…"

"That was your fault, councilor…"

"I tapped his butt. So what?"

"…You mean he's homophobic?" Captain Jack Sparrow drew his letters, making a face as he slid them up against the rest of his collection. "In a place like this? Poor lad."

"He seems to think we do strange things in the showers…" Riku said ponderously, laying his word down. "…'Queer.' I think that puts me in the lead."

"…You're gay," Roxas crossed his eyes as he tried to think of a word to play. "…dammit. Pass."

"…So…" Captain Jack Sparrow laid down five letters, making use of the 'r' in Riku's 'queer'. "…is there a lot of that goin' around here? You know…man-**rod, ball licky licky** and such?"

"Jack!" Anna Maria stared at his word.

"Sorry, **love**. I told you to stay on the ship. This is a man's game. And man's talk."

"Jack!" She slapped him on the back of his head, and he flew forward, almost crashing into the scrabble board.

"That's not what I meant, idiot." She told him. "This word works better." She replaced his word.

"…wh…ow…Oh, I do say, Maria. You're a jewel!"

"No outside interferences!" Riku protested.

"Shut it," Captain Jack Sparrow laughed. "Learn to take defeat like a man, Riku."

"It's legit," Councilor Axel shrugged. "I'll allow it."

…

"I can't believe I lost," Roxas groaned as he kicked back from the table.

"Three points, lad. It's not so shameful." Captain Jack Sparrow grinned as Councilor Axel was forced to declare him the winner. "Besides, I'm not sticking around for the next wack-a-wack. Me say un gets winwin. Big joy?"

"…stop talking like that," Anna Maria muttered, sounding annoyed. "You are not a weird African-French Clan god anymore,"

"…oh, but it's such a snaz to pretend, love," Captain Jack Sparrow laughed. "Anyway, we'd best be off, before ol' Gibbsy drinks all my rum."

"…Make sure Seifer's not stowing away or anything, alright? His mommy would be upset if he got trucked off to another world before she signed a permission slip."

"Will do, mate." Councilor Axel and Captain Jack Sparrow shook hands. Then the captain donned his hat. The boys noticed he weaved a bit as he and Anna Maria exited the tent.

_Author's note:_

_Hi guys! Long time no post-y post. Eh….sorry. This chapter's not as crazy, random or amusing as its predecessors. My funny has cramps. And headaches. It's taking painkillers, so maybe it'll be up and about again soon.I have three prompts right now that I am planning on using, and hopefully they will prove to be more entertaining._

_Actually this prompt had a lot of promise. I feel like I killed it. I'm totally ashamed of myself._

_Please throw stuff. Please Xx_

_  
I'm sorry Jen! _

_Er…Happy birthday to Miss Vix! (who supplied prompt and words and theme and such.)_


End file.
